What to Say When They Ask Why You’re Still Single This Holiday
One of the most dreadful parts about the holiday season is the inevitable influx of questions about your dating life from just about everybody you reconnect with. And while air travel is also notoriously terrible around this time of year, we would rather be stuck at an airport overnight than explain ourselves to Aunt Marge for the fifteenth time.
Why are you single? What happened to that person from last year? Aren’t your friends all married by now? Do you ever think about settling down? When’s it going to be our turn to watch you walk down the aisle? You’re just too picky! Time to lower your standards. Maybe if you got a new haircut? Have you tried Internet dating? My friend’s nephew met his wife on a singles cruise! You’re probably not trying hard enough. You should go on more dates! Can you meet someone at work? Are you on the apps?
ENOUGH! Even the most well-meaning relatives can incite the little tinge of rage that ruins the night for you (and sometimes everyone else, too). It’s easy to get defensive, shut down and say something you regret. And trust us, we know how hard it is to bounce back into the holiday spirit when it feels like you’re being attacked on all sides. Here are some of our favorite responses to diffuse the situation:
Kill ‘Em With Kindness
Thank you so much for asking Aunt Jill. I really, really, really appreciate you taking such an interest in my personal life but right now, I’ve got nothing to report. I promise I will let you know when I do. Be a doll and pass the eggnog?
The eggnog part is key.
Prepare Them In Advance
Get ahead of the situation and craft your very own update before the festivities begin. We find an email blast is most effective here and allows you to keep all the relatives up-to-date with just a click of a button. For those less-tech-savvy members of the family, make hard copies available as well.
Time is of the essence here, so get to it!
Disarm With Honesty
Listen Auntie Karen, it’s really hard out there and sometimes I get down on myself about it as well. I really don’t want to get too into it but I am quite happy with my life, so you don’t have to worry about me!
Opening up just enough should stop the incessant questioning from even the most persistent family members.
Give A Dose Of Their Own Medicine
Them: Why are you single?
You: No, why are YOU single?
Them: I’m not single?
You: I’m not single!
Them: What’s his name?
You: What’s his name?
Keep this up until they go back to get another drink.
Hit Them With The Details
Ask and you shall receive. Example: You know, I’ve met some real shitbags in my day, starting in the 5th grade when Alan from Lancaster Street told everyone I had lice. Keep the details coming and bring them all the way up to your present-day situation.
They’ll wish they never asked!
Molly Borman for The BeeHive