Ghosting: How to Avoid Doing It, and How to Cope if it Happens to You

by Chantelle Otten, relationship and sexual health expert

You’ve probably heard of it by now, even if you haven’t dealt with it yourself: ghosting, the scourge of modern dating. It refers to when one person ends a relationship with another by suddenly ceasing all communication without explanation. Here are my tips on how to handle this on both sides of the equation. 

How to cope if it happens to you:

The only way is forward. There’s no point wondering what happened to that person, or why they did that to you, because at the end of the day they’re gone and your time is precious. You can either spend countless hours analysing why that connection didn’t work out, or you could put that energy and time into moving forward and finding someone who loves spending time with you. Take that life bus you’re driving and step on the accelerator, ready to go pick up someone who’s down for the ride!

Use the time “post-ghost” to work on your mindset. Success, after all, is defined by how you accept failure. Remember that things not working out (whether it be dating, love, work, a project, or anything else) doesn't define your worth, your power, or how deserving you are of love. 

So instead of looking at ghosting with a low-value mindset, such as “I’ve been ghosted because I’m not good enough / fun / attractive enough,” look at it with a high-value mindset: “I determine my value, I put my best foot forward, and the person I was seeing didn’t treat me well by ghosting me. I’ll find someone who does treat me well.” 

Valuing yourself makes it so much easier to move on to find someone who does want to get to know you and treat you with respect. Work on your mindset, and your resilience will improve.

How to avoid ghosting someone:

Treat everybody as if they were a precious friend, a sibling, or even yourself. Imagine if someone you loved had been ghosted and hurt. Consider that there are many easy ways to let go with respect. Give the other person the courtesy of saying: “Thank you, but I’d like to leave the dating process here.”

Here are some examples of how to let someone know you don’t want to continue seeing them romantically, with kindness:

“While I’ve had a great time on the dates we’ve been on, I like you in a way that isn’t romantic, so I wish you the best in finding your person — and thanks for the good times!” 

“It was lovely meeting you, but I don’t feel the match at this end. I wish you the best!”

“I think you’re a great person, but I didn’t feel that spark between us. I hope your search for the right person goes well!”

If you’d like some more tips on putting your best foot forward on Bumble, check out our resources here!