Top Tips for Approaching Summer Romance with a Confident Mindset

by Chantelle Otten, relationship and sexual health expert

Summer’s coming — and with it, hopefully, refreshed views on dating! On Bumble, women make the first move, so they’ve asked me to offer tips on approaching summer romance with the right mindset and an attitude of confidence.

Dating should be fun and doesn’t have to be frustrating. I know it can sometimes feel overwhelming, and you can get burnt out. But you mustn’t let bad experiences define you. Maybe you’ve been let down, or you’ve been dating the wrong people. There’s no need to be cynical. Instead, let’s switch things up a little bit.

The truth is, if you approach romance with the right mindset, you can find a meaningful connection and also explore who you are, whether you’re looking for commitment or just a fun time.

Think of your date like a story. Dates offer a chance to get dressed up, try a new bar, learn to better read body language, or (my favourite!) have a new story under your belt. Whether good or bad, they’re something to laugh about later as you tell your friends. Always go for the experience — and hopefully a cocktail or two. Here’s a tip: add Bumble’s profile badges in advance to show your potential matches what you’re all about. If you show off your attributes like your star sign, lifestyle preferences, and education level, you’re more likely to match with someone like-minded. This also makes it easier to break the ice on the date!

Remember that you’re there to connect with another human. Dating isn’t easy for anyone. Both dates get nervous. You have to venture out with no expectations. Don’t be future-focused, just take the pressure off yourself and your date. Remind yourself that you’re there to connect, chat, have fun, and of course have a story!

Have a time cap. If you want to get out there but not get caught up on a date you’re not enjoying, organise a few 30 minute mini-dates. A drink before going out with friends. Coffee on your lunch break. Ice cream after you’ve had dinner at home. If you like the person, you can either extend your date or organise another longer date together (even the next day)! If you didn’t vibe it, just say “ciao.”

Get out of your comfort zone. If you’re new to dating or getting back in the game, it can feel pretty nerve-wracking to be on Bumble, chatting away, without the knowledge of where the conversation is going to go. Here’s some advice. If you want it to go somewhere, lead the way. If you want to date, make the first move. You need to meet a variety of different characters to discover more about your type. If you really want to narrow it down, I recommend you add some of Bumble’s filters to your profile. This means the people you see are more in line with exactly what you’re looking for, whether by age, gender, location, or other options. Then your dating ‘story’ could possibly result in a longer term match (if that’s what you’re after).

Get out on warm-weather dates. Bars, parks, beaches, restaurants — we are spoilt for choice in summer! Make sure you take advantage of the warm weather. Also, remember that summer is short and your time is precious, so make the most of the brief amount of sun we have. Say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t bring you new experiences, fun, or meaning.

Assess whether you want to see them again. One, was there chemistry? Laughter, physical attraction, excitement? Two, did you find elements that made you compatible? Did your personalities align? What about values? If this is all a yes, then roll with it! Your date doesn’t need to tick off every box on your dream list, because that’s a lot of pressure, but you do need to be able to have a connection through your chemistry and compatibility.

Learn the art of conversation through practice. Every relationship — whether a friendship, a date, or sexual encounter — starts with a conversation. It’s important to know how to ask questions and allow another to open up. Ask open-ended questions. When someone is opening up to you, don’t judge or criticize. Make them feel like their stories, no matter how unusual, are normal and show that you’re curious. Give them space to speak and dig deeper. People open up when they have room to talk, feel normalised, and know you’re interested in the conversation. Trust me, you’ll be a pro in no time!