Pandemic life has required us to learn a lot of new rules, and pretty quickly. To stay healthy, we’ve had to adjust our understanding of what dating safely looks like — and, as you may have guessed, that also applies to the risks of hooking up and getting intimate.

If you’re wondering just how risky it is to hook up with a new person, know that in general, any activity that brings you into close contact with someone else for more than 15 minutes, especially indoors or without a mask, increases your potential risk of exposure—plus, there’s some risk when it comes to exchanging body fluids (COVID has been detected in semen, for example). And while experts believe that coronavirus isn’t a sexually transmitted virus, it is transmitted by sharing the air with a new person, which means the virus can easily spread during a hookup.

If you do decide to hook up, there are ways to manage or lower your risk.

How to Hook Up as Safely as Possible During COVID

The safest option is to stay distanced and follow the Center for Disease Control (CDC) guidelines. Though some carriers of the virus don’t show any symptoms at all, Dr. Paul Gittens, a sexual medicine specialist and director of Centers for Sexual Medicine, suggests asking your partner some basic screening questions before you even meet up. These include whether they’ve experienced COVID symptoms in recent days and how they’ve approached safety during the pandemic in general. (Here’s more on how to have that COVID conversation.) If you two aren’t on the same page after this chat, you might want to reconsider hooking up.

Once you’ve decided you’re going to engage in sexual activity outside of your immediate bubble, Dr. Gittens recommends quarantining for two weeks ahead of time, or, if you’re not able to, getting tested with negative results at least twice in order to catch false negatives. During the actual hookup, Dr. Gittens suggests thinking about whether kissing is essential and considering positions that don’t put your faces near each other. As always, safe sex is encouraged, which means having an STI talk and using protection.

Also, keep it clean, as in: wash your hands and any sex toys thorougly before and after sex. You’ll also want to wash the bedding and any clothes you were wearing when you’re done, and disinfect any surfaces your partner may have touched, especially in shared spaces. Because activities like rimming, kissing, or unprotected sex can increase your COVID exposure risk, Dr. Gittens warns against being in close proximity to elderly relatives or people with serious medical conditions for at least two weeks after your hookup, as they’re more vulnerable to the virus.

If nothing else, remember that staying safe while getting physical during a pandemic means being on the same page as your partner. “Right now, safe sex looks like great communication,” says certified intimacy educator Shan Boodram. “It looks like two people with similar morals and values around sexual health and the pandemic, coming together and allowing themselves to be in the moment and enjoy pleasure. Because they did the prep work before to ensure that one, they both are in a safe and healthy space as individuals, and two, they brought all the tools they need to ensure that in the moment it's about the play, it's about the pleasure.” In other words, while yes, this sounds complicated, physical intimacy is still possible. (And heads up: Shan Boodram gives more great advice and insights in the video below!)

Is Hooking Up Right Now Worth It?

One of the most difficult things about hooking up during coronavirus might be how to decide if it’s worth it, especially when you’re trying to weigh the pros and cons while sexually frustrated. After all, we’ve been living with the pandemic for a long time now, so it’s understandable that people are wanting to be sexually active again.

But how can you tell if you’re actually comfortable hooking up IRL, or if you’d feel more at ease sticking to online interactions? According to Dr. Laurie Mintz, psychologist and author of Becoming Cliterate, the first question to ask yourself is, "‘Do I even want to do this?’ And then the second one is, ‘If I do it, how do I do it safely?’” Think about the factors in your situation, including your exposure risk, your match’s exposure risk, and the precautions that each of you are able and willing to take. Be open and honest with yourself (and when the time comes, with your partner) about your values, your comfort level, and what you need to feel safe.

It might sound overwhelming, but Boodram points out the silver lining: We’ve been making these kinds of “is it worth it?” decisions for the past few months. “When you're invited to a party, have to go to the grocery store, or do anything, you’ve had to think about, am I adequately prepared? Am I okay with the risk factor? Is this going to be worth it for me?” she says. So really, you’ve already had lots of practice making important decisions about your health. And, she adds, “if you decide that it’s not going to be the happiest and healthiest decision for you, sex toy sales are up for a reason, and they're fantastic.”

Some Advice About Virtual Intimacy

Another option for those who don’t want to hook up in person: virtual intimacy. While it’s a great way to stay safe from COVID, it’s understandable to feel in over your head at the thought of it—especially with a brand new partner you’ve met during the pandemic.

Dr. Mintz says that virtual intimacy isn’t all that different from an in-person sexual encounter, in that it will be deeply enhanced if you and your partner communicate about what exactly each of you wants. She recommends discussing what virtual sex means to you and running through options: “‘Are we going to be on a platform where we can see each other, get naked, and masturbate in front of each other? Are we just going to get naked and show our bodies to each other? Are we going to send pictures?’” Talking it through will allow you to figure out what you want and don’t want.

Getting virtually intimate also doesn’t have to mean jumping into video sex—you can always start with suggestive text messages or sexy phone calls and escalate when and if you’re ready. But if that day never comes, there’s no need to go beyond intimate back-and-forth messaging if that’s working for you and your partner.

As with an IRL hook up, you and your partner still need to talk about consent. Clinical sexologist Caitlin V Neal recommends setting up your boundaries beforehand and discussing privacy concerns, like recording or screen grabs. Make it clear that you’d consider this a violation if that’s how you feel, and know that recording someone without their knowledge is a form of sexual assault.

Lastly, accept that virtual intimacy won’t be perfect. “This should be as authentic as you can make it given the circumstances. This isn’t about putting on some peep show,” says Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach and award-winning writer. “This is a video sex chat date. It’s a big distinction.” Try to be in the moment and focus on how it feels for you—after all, you’re doing this to enjoy it!

What Does Consent Look Like With COVID?

As every sexually active adult should know, any sort of intimacy, whether in-person or virtual, requires clear, enthusiastic consent from everyone involved. That said, your consent conversations will look a little different than they did in the past due to COVID’s risks — and forms of intimacy that might well be new for you and your partner.

If you do decide to go forward with an IRL hookup, in addition to discussing boundaries, safer sex practices, and STIs, you need to talk frankly about exposure risks, and how you’ll protect each other. Some questions that might have previously felt off the table or private, like asking a casual partner if they’re seeing other people, are now a crucial part of the conversation.

But you shouldn’t just ask about potential COVID exposure in sexual contexts, cautions Mintz; you also want a clear picture of the people they spend their time around and the activities they engage in. This kind of information is crucial for COVID consent. You may feel interested in an in-person hookup with a match, but less keen once you learn that they have a job that puts them in frequent high-risk situations. In that case, you might want to pivot to virtual sex, and then have that consent conversation.

Yes, this is a lot to consider! And if after reading all of this you’ve decided that intimacy or hooking up during COVID isn’t for you, that’s 100% okay. You never have to do anything more or less than what you’re comfortable with.

By Gabrielle Moss, with writing and reporting by Cady Drell.