Dating has changed in so many ways since the onset of the coronavirus pandemic. We're having new conversations about safety; we're facing new mental health challenges; and we're using new tools to connect with each other. Even the actual pace of dating has shifted. If you've been matching and chatting on Bumble or looking for a relationship, it's possible you've experienced 'slow dating,' even if you've never heard the term before!

'Slow dating' is what it sounds like: people taking the time to get to know each other and build a connection before deciding if they want to pursue the relationship or meet in person. There are a few reasons why this trend has emerged: First, with lockdowns and quarantines, it can be difficult to move things offline at all, so more time is being dedicated to getting to know each other virtually. But even as COVID-related restrictions have eased and evolved, people are still taking the time to have important conversations about safety and boundaries with matches, and want to make sure that the person they’re meeting up with is worth the potential health risk. And perhaps most encouragingly, according to Jemma Ahmed, head of insights at Bumble, another reason why this slow dating trend has emerged is because many daters have used quarantine to think critically about what they want in a relationship. “People are starting to get to know themselves a lot more,” says Ahmed. “And as a result they’re taking the time to figure out who is and isn’t right for them.”

Happily, this new pace comes with upsides. Ahmed shares that by taking their time, daters are “making deeper and more meaningful connections, and they're more willing to go beyond that surface level to really try and get to know someone.” According to Ahmed’s research, many daters’ priorities have shifted, and “they're looking for something a lot more meaningful,” she says. (And psst—for more insights from Jemma Ahmed, watch the video below!)

How can folks looking to date during COVID navigate this change? Well, slow dating means that you might want to be open to spending more time chatting with someone—be that via messaging, phone calls, or Bumble’s Video Chat feature—before meeting up. It means having deeper or longer conversations to get to know a potential partner, and it means not being offended if a match doesn’t want to meet up right away. These are tricky times, and everyone is moving at their own pace.

Cuffing Season Doesn’t Look the Same This Year

Even though the majority of those on Bumble are taking more time to get to know their matches, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t eager to start a relationship. During the holiday season and winter months, it can feel especially urgent to find someone — in fact, more than half of Bumble daters say that they’re placing a stronger emphasis on it right now.

All of this coincides with the last few months of the year, meaning that cuffing season — traditionally, the time when many singles are looking to lock someone down to hang out and hook up with during the colder months — is upon us. However, before you start charging your phone for a swipe-a-thon, know that cuffing season isn’t proceeding as usual.

This year, daters are still feeling pressure to find a partner during the holidays, especially with further lockdowns potentially on the horizon. But many are looking for something more long-term than the usual seasonal fling. And while it can be hard not to feel anxious about being single at this time of year, with so much external, cultural emphasis on cuffing season, remember there's no need to rush into anything

Of course, if cuffing season is your style, go for it! But if you don’t think that it’s for you this year, it might be a good time to slow down, reflect on what you want in a relationship, and focus more on your own needs. Remember: Dating is a journey, and you’re where you need to be!

Here’s How to Build Trust With a Match Before Meeting IRL

Whether you’re looking for a committed long-term relationship or a months-long fling for cuffing season, establishing a baseline of trust is important in allowing you to find a genuine connection. But now in an ongoing pandemic, trust is also crucial in keeping each other safe. The current level of risk involved in dating sets the bar way higher than usual for meeting someone new: you’re trusting this person with your health.

It’s always smart to start with a virtual date. Bumble has Video Chat and Voice Call features within the app itself, so you don’t have to worry about giving out your number or other personal information before you’re ready. Stephanie Wijkstrom, counselor and founder of Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh, recommends chatting with someone for a month before planning to see each other in person. Seeing a match’s body language and mannerisms over video calls can give you a better impression of how trustworthy they are, how they make you feel, and if you two have a connection. After all, you want to make sure you actually like them before taking the risk of meeting up!

Luckily, there are also quite a few other ways to gauge if the person you’re talking to is trustworthy. If it’s important to you to find a partner who’s careful about COVID, you can ask open-ended questions about how they’ve been keeping safe (try something like “what’s your take on social distancing?”). Don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions based on their responses. If you’re comfortable with it, Wijkstrom suggests asking to follow a match on social media, which could give you clues into how they’re handling the pandemic and confirm if what they’ve been telling you aligns with how they’re actually acting.

You can also lay out your safety concerns for a match and share your deal breakers, like whether you just won't do indoor dining for now. Not only will this disclosure encourage your match to share their own safety concerns and deal breakers, but it’s also a good way to suss out if your comfort zones are compatible. Most importantly, though, is to pay attention to the other person’s response once you’ve expressed what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Are they considerate of your needs, or are they dismissive? “If they don’t validate your concerns, it may be telling you that you aren’t on the same page when it comes to the virus,” says Wijkstrom. And if they aren’t going to respect your concerns on a call, they won’t in person either.

Overall, trust your gut: if you get a sinking feeling in your stomach when you’re talking to a match, listen to that. You don’t owe anyone a date, so if you’re not comfortable meeting up, then don’t.

Speaking of Video Dating, Here’s a Quick 101.

Most daters are learning how to date virtually for the first time, and the silver lining is that even if you’re feeling a little awkward about video dates or unsure how to go about doing them, your match is probably feeling the same way.

Get ready for a video date in the same way you’d prep for an IRL date: if putting on perfume or taking a shower before would get you in a more fun, flirty mindset, absolutely go for it! In terms of your outfit, choose something that you wouldn’t mind your match seeing you in from head to toe, in case you have to get up to close the door or move around mid-date—sitting in one angle the whole time to hide that you’re in PJ bottoms won’t be comfortable! (But hey, if you don’t mind revealing that you’re wearing PJ bottoms, why not?) Pre-date, figure out where you’ll be chatting and find a place to rest your phone, as your arms will get tired if you have to hold it up the whole time. Certified intimacy educator Shan Boodram also suggests taking some time to find your zone. “Invest some extra time in figuring out, “What side do I look best from? Does my camera look better from above or below? Do I look good in front of natural light or artificial light?’” she says. “Find where you feel most confident, most sexy, most cool before the actual date, so when you're on it, you can focus on the other stuff.”